


Running From Ashes

by OnePieceDoesExist



Category: Iron Man (Movies), The Avengers (Marvel Movies), The Avengers (Marvel) - All Media Types
Genre: Avengers: Endgame (Movie), Avengers: Endgame (Movie) Spoilers, BAMF Tony Stark, F/M, I had a lot of feelings that weren't going anywhere so this happened, Post-Avengers: Infinity War Part 1 (Movie), Tony Stark Has A Heart, Tony Stark Needs a Hug, Tony Stark-centric, we love Tony Stark
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-05-12
Updated: 2019-05-12
Packaged: 2020-03-01 06:38:55
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,734
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18794977
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/OnePieceDoesExist/pseuds/OnePieceDoesExist
Summary: Tony Stark is tired, he finally gets to rest.Avengers: Endgame Spoilers





	Running From Ashes

He has always been running. His father’s expectations, his failure to reach them, and all the mistakes he made along the way. He was never good enough for good old dad, and when he finally reached the position to maybe make him proud, the bastard goes and dies. It makes him angry and he wants to hate him, but the funeral brings out emotions he want kept buried, so he runs away from it, throws his responsibilities to those that surround them/ He drowns himself in liquor and sex. He becomes known for it. For his snack and bravado. For his weapons. He embraces it. Why should he be anything else? They praise his weapons tech, so he makes a new missile, more explosive than the last and thinks, maybe this is what he is supposed to do. Continue the Legacy. Afghanistan changes that. His chest aches now, for a new reason. The weapons that were once his finest achievements make him want to hurt. He cuts them out, all of them without remorse. He vows to never distribute weapons again. He made a promise to not waste his life, and he’ll keep that promise.

  
His hands shake from time to time now, but he refuses to acknowledge it. The only time they still are when he works on his new suit, or when smaller, softer hands hold his. They tell him to slow down. Flashes from the cave make him work faster.

  
Betrayal burns deep in his throat; Ash fills his lungs for the first time and he’s choking. He skips the funeral, and nobody bats an eye. Later there will be two who stand behind him while he falls apart. The people are asking questions, is what the journalist says. They want to know what happened. They’re scared. And Tony doesn’t want that. He didn’t ever want that. He made this suit to protect people. He reveals himself.

  
I am Iron Man.

  
They say it was stupid. Others just care about getting their hands on his tech. The public is mixed. He doesn’t care for all that. Tony knows his rights and has the money to hire lawyers who will protect those rights. His hands have been shaking more often lately. He figures out he’s dying. It doesn’t bode well for his impulse control. He makes a bucket list and starts checking it off. He takes her to all the places he always promised himself he would. They’re all dates, but she doesn’t know that. He becomes a general pain in the ass. He pushes them away, but he doesn’t mean too.

  
The answer comes from a source he would rather not recognize, but he doesn’t want to die. He is still angry at his father. You are my greatest creation. A message a decade too late from a dead man’s old recording. Tony would have rather heard it in person. He saves himself, as his always has in the past. He pushes the message deep down where all of his other insecurities lie and moves on. The shaking grows worse.

  
The next thing he knows, there are aliens in Manhattan, and he finds the energy to be surprised for only a moment. He is uncomfortable leaving the fate of the world in the hands of six people who don’t get along and an organization that is the definition of shady. So, he falls back into the man the media knows and he knows he is being an ass, but he doesn’t care. It only worsens when Captain America shows up and everything he’s been holding back comes bubbling up with a new focus. A part of him thinks that if he says enough, does enough, in the face of his father’s icon, that he will be enough. Tony doesn’t think he succeeds. He’s flying a nuke through a portal to outer space in one moment and falling through darkness the next.

  
It’s then that the nightmares start. They wake him up, so he spends most of his nights- and days actually -in his workshop, improving. Nothing seems good enough. Pepper is in danger, be his carelessness, and suddenly he cannot help her. He is lost, far away while she is at the mercy of another. He cannot thank the kid, Harley, enough, and makes a mental note as he flies away.

  
There is a moment when he thinks she is gone. Because of his failures. There is a moment in this failure that the real Tony surfaces, useless and never good enough. Pepper is fine, not perfect but alive, and though he knows this that Tony does not go quietly into the night. He makes plans. Something to protect everyone, everywhere.

  
It falls apart, as his plans are off to do, and now there is more death on his shoulders. The Merchant of Death never retired, it seems, he just found a new outlet for his machinations.The enemy has mutants. The team faces them, and Tony ends up back in his mind, a dangerous place for him to stay. The ash fills his lungs again as he watches his friends and family fall, because of him. Because of his failure to prepare for the eventuality.They win, but the body count grows still. He turns back to the drink, a habit that never truly left him, but it’s worse now. When he drinks, he can pretend the shaking is because he’s inebriated.

  
The Accords. Thinking about them makes him want to throw something. He already has. He doesn’t like them, but the picture of the man, the child, that is dead because of his team’s actions forces his hands. He signs. And of course, Rogers can’t see it. He doesn’t waver. He is confident in his sense of justice, in his sense of self. Tony can’t compare, he knows that now. Things escalate and he ends up staring at stone in the snow. He’s choking. On tears, on ash, on self-pity. On anger and pain. On the idea that he might have had more time with his family if it hadn’t been for Barnes- no, not Barnes, Hydra -is spiraling. Why wouldn’t Rogers hear him out? He doesn’t remember how he gets home, but he is alone. There’s nothing to distract from the shaking.

  
Peter. The kid is going to give him gray hairs. Hell, he’s given him a few heart attacks the pat week alone., but he loves him. He thinks maybe this fear is a part of being a parent. He proposes to Pepper, to protect the kid, but he thinks he’s ready now. That’s what he tells Pepper when he says he wants to have a kid. She laughs and taps the reactor on his chest. He doesn’t see her for months. He looks back at New York and almost laughs himself. Fate of the world? Now the entire universe is on the line and he is stuck with a group of idiots and the kid. The kid! Peter is here and he cannot breathe. They fight, they lose, and he gets stabbed by his own weapon.

  
The pain in his gut is nothing, however, to the hole in his chest ad he watches Peter disappear- he’s not dead, he can’t be. But he is, and Tony curls into himself, his breath heaving, holding his hands in a futile attempt to still them. It’s no use, his whole body is shaking. On the ship, he thinks he might finally die. He will never be able to see Pepper again. He will die alone, a failure. But he is miraculously saved. He’s not sure he should have been. When he lands on Earth Rogers is there. Ready, and with a plan. It makes him angry. He snaps, spitting and yelling until his body finally shuts down. When he wakes up, Pepper is there and he cries, sorry and a plead for forgiveness pouring forth.

  
They say they killed him, but nobody is coming back so Tony doesn’t much care. He builds a cabin and they move out there. He is so tired. Then he’s a father and he’s even more tired. But it’s a good kind of tired. Her name is Morgan and she’s perfect. He can’t help but think how much she and Peter would have gotten along. He locks that door and doesn’t visit it. Everything he does now is for her sake. He thinks he might, one day be able to forget all this bad, but that day doesn’t come. Instead it’s the team, with a way to get everyone back, but they need Tony. He doesn’t want to do it, but the idea won’t leave him alone. The pictures of Peter call him to action and before the night is through, he’s managed something once thought impossible. They do the mission, gather the stones, and come back one member short. But they succeed, for one single moment.

  
Then Thanos is here with an army and Tony doesn’t know they can win this one, not as they are. But they aren’t this fractured group. Strange is there, the smug ass, and he brings an army of his own. Everything becomes background noise when Peter swings up to him. He’s rambling, words coming so fast his breath can’t keep up, but Tony isn’t listening. He’s too busy re-memorizing his everything. He hugs him and barely stops the tears from falling. From then on, it’s all business, and the adrenaline and fear are the only thing keeping him going. His fear stays close, because while they have an army on their side, that army is everything he cares about. Natasha flashes through his mind and he wills her away. There will be time for tears, but that time will come later.

  
They are not his tears; he realizes as he steals the stones. Pepper is going to yell at him for this, but that doesn’t dissuade him from action. He thinks of everything he lost and all that he gained. All those who have become dear to him and says;

  
I am Iron Man

  
He is tired. He has been tired for years. He has made millions of mistakes and has tried to fix just as many, and that has broken him. Everyone is safe, his work is done. Tony Stark is tired, so when Pepper whispers for him to rest, he closes his eyes and sleeps.

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you so much for reading this! I watched Avengers Endgame and it made me emotional so I wrote this. Don't worry, the Tony survives AU will appear at some point. I hope you enjoyed!


End file.
